The Fellowship Gets Introduced to Modern Day Life
by fanfictionsissy
Summary: One at a time, members of the fellowship, (and some others), get introduced to modern day things that any idiot in this age would know.(Every chapter is peretty much it's own little story.) CHAPTER 16 UP!
1. Default Chapter

Title: The Fellowship Gets Introduced to Modern Life  
  
Summary: One at a time, members of the fellowship are introduced to some modern day things that any idiot in this age would know.  
  
Crissy: Just taking a break from stories that make sense and mean something.  
  
J215: Yea, but this is some funny stuff. We laughed for hours while writing these.  
  
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Chapter 1 Legolas and the Calculator  
  
Legolas sits down with his instructor at a school table.  
  
"What's this?" he asks, picking up a square box thing.  
  
"That's a calculator." The instructor tells him.  
  
What's this button do?" Legolas asks, pushing the 1 button. "Ooohhh!" he starts wildly pushing all the buttons until the calculator runs out of batteries.  
  
The instructor sits patently waiting for the elf to finish. He expected this.  
  
*The instructor sighs* "Can we move on now?"  
  
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Crissy: I know that was really short.  
  
J215: But the next one is longer.  
  
Crissy: Yea. And funnier. Please review 


	2. Legolas and the Coke Machine

Crissy: Here's the next chappie!  
  
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Chapter 2: Legolas and the Coke Machine  
The instructor stands beside a coke machine.  
  
"This, my friend, is a coke machine." He pauses for unnecessary dramatization. "It produces fizzy beverages of your choice."  
  
Legolas asks, "Are those buttons on the side like a calculator?" He gets a wild look in his eyes as he advances toward the machine.  
  
"No no no!" exclaims the instructor, "By pushing these buttons, you actually GET something."  
  
Legolas asks, "What do you get?"  
  
The instructor holds his head in his hands and looks up. "Why me?!" he says to the air.  
  
Legolas goes up to the machine, kneels down, and asks the machine nicely, "Please may I have a drink.?"  
  
Passerbies ask the instructor, "Is he proposing?"  
  
" No!!" the instructor tells Legolas, "You sound like Oliver Twist!"  
  
Legolas looks confused. "Who's Oliver Twist?"  
  
"Never mind." Says the instructor, "In order for it to work, you must appease it."  
  
Legolas begins to dance in a circle around the machine singing the "I Love You" song from Barney.  
  
Barney walks by. "I see you watch my show! Here's my card. Call me. You just might land a spot in my show." He walks off.  
  
Legolas stares at the card. "What's this?" he asks as he starts to nibble on the paper.  
  
"Give me that!" says the instructor, "That might be my one chance to get out of here. It's not much though."  
  
Legolas resumes dancing again.  
  
"Stop!" yells the instructor, "You need to give it something to appease it!"  
  
Legolas thinks for a minute than says, "My bow?"  
  
As he starts to take it off, the instructor says, "No! Something shiny!"  
  
"My earrings?"  
  
The instructor shakes his head and fishes around in his pocket.  
  
"Put this in that slot."  
  
Legolas stares at the instructor like he's the dumb one.  
  
"Well you should have said a quarter in the first place!"  
  
The instructor grumbles as a dark cloud starts to form over his head.  
  
Legolas tries to put the coin in a crack in the machine.  
  
"That slot!!" The instructor points to the real slot. "Now push ONE button."  
  
Legolas pushes the coke button.  
  
*Kchunck* The coke falls to the bottom.  
  
"Ahhh!!!" Legolas yells. He jumps 10 feet up and 5 feet back. He regains his composure, puts away the arrow he pulled out from his quiver when he was in the air, and pulls another arrow out from the coke machine that he instinctively fired. He cautiously approaches the machine, and brings out the soda.  
  
The instructor, (already worn out from the previous chapter and half of this one), says, "Ok, this, is a soda."  
  
Legolas pokes and praws at both ends, twirling it around in his fingers.  
  
"Is there even something in it?" he asks, shaking it.  
  
The instructor grabs the can from the blonde elf.  
  
"You open it like this!" he says, pulling the tab.  
  
A blast of fizzing soda shoots out from the can and into his face.  
  
"Aaaggghhh!!" he exclaims.  
  
Legolas stares at the soaking instructor and says, "I guess that was a bad one huh?."  
  
The instructor throws down the can, and yells a stream of inappropriate words that we are not allowed to utter on this computer.  
  
"That's it! Get someone else to do this job! I quit!"  
  
The instructor starts running down the street.  
  
Coincidently, a huge semi truck was going the exact opposite way the instructor was running.  
  
"Ooohhh!" Says Legolas to no one in particular, "I want to learn about that!"  
  
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Crissy: You like?  
  
J215: Please review and tell us. 


	3. Finding a New Instructor

Crissy: I know you just couldn't wait for this chapter to come out. I know.  
  
J215: Well I don't, unless you review and tell me you do.  
  
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Chapter 3 Finding a New Instructor  
*In the interviewing room*  
  
A hooded figure is sitting at a desk across from the interviewer.  
  
(The interviewer does not wish to reveal his name for obvious reasons.  
  
Darn it! You gave up his gender! Let's be sure not to do it again or Elliot will get caught.  
  
You gave up his name!  
  
Relax. At least they don't know he has brown eyes, black hair, and is the C.E.O. of the Geicko Watch Company.  
  
You gave it all away! You're fired!  
  
Ok. At least I can go back to flipping burgers at MacDonald.  
  
Anyway, moving on.)  
  
A hooded figure is sitting at a desk across from the interviewer.  
  
The interviewer asks the hooded figure several questions before asking, "Are you gay?"  
  
"Yes." replied the hooded figure.  
  
"I'm sorry. You can't take this job." Says the interviewer.  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because you would be putting our subjects at personal and physical risk."  
  
The hooded figure yells, "Do you know who I am?!"  
  
"Uh yes. Your some gay hooded LOTR fan, trying to get close to the fellowship to get their autograph."  
  
"No!" The hooded figure stands up and throws off his hood, banging his head on the ceiling in the process. "I am, (Ow!) Gandalf!"  
  
The interviewer pushes a button and calmly says, "Security."  
  
As Gandalf is being dragged off by two security guards, he looks up at one and says, "You have beautiful eyes."  
  
The interviewer writes something on a notepad, hands it to his secretary and says, "Tell the board directors that I went to lunch."  
  
The secretary nods, and goes back to typing on the computer.  
  
"Jessie! Take it to the board of directors!" The interviewer yells.  
  
"Oh yes." The secretary takes the note.  
*Three days later*  
  
On the front page of every newspaper says,  
  
"Lord of the Rings interviewer disappeared! He was last seen at a gas station in San Luis with the company mascot.  
  
If you have any information, call 1-800-fanfic. Or, for more information, go to www.fanfiction.net, and look under: The Fellowship Gets introduced to Modern Day Life." 


	4. Pippin and the Calculator

Crissy: No time to waist! On with the story!!  
  
Oh yea. We own nothing.  
  
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Chapter 4 Pippin and the Calculator  
The new instructor points to a calculator and says, "This is a calculator.  
  
Pippin looks and says, "Does it make ale?"  
  
"No." says the instructor. "It makes numbers."  
  
"Can you throw it?" says Pippin, as he gets ready to chuck it across the room.  
  
The instructor says, "No! Don't throw it!"  
  
Too late.  
  
Pippin already tossed it.  
  
For the first time in history, the calculator gets to know how it feels like to fly. It also finds out that it is not very easy to fly through a wall.  
  
*SMASH*  
  
The calculator falls with a cloud of dust, and lands in a pile of ashes.  
  
The new instructor, having been trained to expect things like this, calls in the janitor to clean up the mess. (There is only one janitor, because all the others left because of the last mess they had to clean up. The old instructor. See end of chapter 2.)  
  
The instructor says, "Let's move on to chapter 5."  
J215: Review! Review! Review! 


	5. Pippin and the Nuclear Reactor

Crissy: Enjoy.  
  
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Chapter 5  
  
Pippin and the Nuclear Reactor  
  
(Warning! This chapter may blow up! It is also very short.)  
  
Pippin holds up two stripped pieces of wire, and asks, "What are these?"  
  
The instructor gets a scared/nervous look in his eyes. He tells Pippin, (almost pleadingly), "Pippin. Put the wires down."  
  
Pippin, with a cocky accent, says, "Don't tell me what to do."  
  
The instructor says more nervously, "Pippin. For once in your apparently short, (No pun intended), and idiotic life, put the."  
  
Pippin yells, "Don't insult me either!"  
  
In his anger, the wires touch and connect.  
  
The last thing heard from the instructor's mouth before a flash and a giant mushroom-like cloud appears in the sky is, "AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!!!"  
  
End of Pippin, the new instructor, and everyone else who is in a 1000-mile radius of that area. Oh yeah. And end of chapter 5. 


	6. Aragorn and the Secret Service Training ...

Crissy: We're kind of mean to Sam in this chapter, but don't get us wrong. We love Sam. Just as we love all the other characters. We just needed to be mean to someone. Sorry.  
Chapter 6: Aragorn and the Secret Service Training Camp  
  
(Aragorn is more serious and willing to learn in this chapter. Sam just wants to get on to Chapter 7: The Garden.)  
  
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The instructor says to Aragorn, "You play the president in this drill."  
  
Aragorn asks, "Is he like a king?"  
  
"Sort of."  
  
Sam asks, "Can we go to chapter 7 now?"  
  
"No." says the instructor.  
They are going through the drill:  
  
Aragorn is shaking everybody's hands and muttering under his breath, "Get away from me. I hate this, I hate this, I hate this."  
  
Suddenly, Aragorn is grabbed and pushed into a waiting limousine.  
  
The door shuts.  
  
Aragorn starts freaking out. "What's going on?!?"  
  
The instructor says, "Relax. This is only a drill." But his voice is drowned out be Aragorn's Loud girly screams.  
  
Aragorn opens the door, runs out, looks around, and asks, "What's going on?! What happened?!"  
  
A security guard yells into his walki talkie, "We have a madman here! He's about to kick the Bucket!"  
  
"What bucket?"  
  
Aragorn is running and sees a bucket in his path. He kicks it out of the way.  
  
"That bucket!" says the security guard.  
Aragorn stops and looks around again, and sees a man lying on the ground with "blood" all over his chest, and his eyes closed.  
  
The man says, "Is the drill up yet? Cause I have a date tonight and I need like a half an hour To get this red stuff off."  
  
Aragorn thinks to himself, "He must be delirious." but he says out loud, "The man's wounded! Help! We need help over here!"  
*Meanwhile*  
  
In the limo, the instructor is getting sick of Sam asking, "Can we go to chapter 7? Can we go to chapter 7? Can we go to"  
  
You get the point.  
  
He pulls a rope out of nowhere, and fashions a noose. He throws it over Sam's head, opened the sunroof, and squeezes him through it.  
  
Then he tied Sam to the back of the car and told the driver to go.  
  
"What about the president?" the driver asks.  
  
"He'll be along shortly." The instructor says, "Just drive."  
  
The driver takes off with Sam being dragged behind the car.  
  
"Ow,ow,ow,OUCH!"  
*Meanwhile*  
  
A couple of security guards come over to check out the "wounded" guy.  
  
Aragorn kneels down by the man and says, "You are a brave man. You did all you were expected to do."  
  
The "wounded" guy thinks that Aragorn is just saying his lines, so he plays along. "I pledge my allegiance to you president Aragorn, but it is my time to go." He slumps back on the ground. "Dead".  
  
Aragorn looks pained, then lifts the man's head up and kisses his forehead. "You died well. Rest in peace."  
  
A drill sergeant blows a whistle.  
  
"Drill's up!" he yells.  
  
The security guards back off, and the "wounded man" gets up.  
  
Aragorn looks very confused. "What happened?"  
  
The instructor, (who came back), says, "You kind of messed up the drill. Don't get me wrong, It was your first time, but it wasn't really supposed to go like that."  
  
Aragorn still looks clueless.  
  
"Whatever. Let's move on."  
  
Sam rushes over, (very bruised and cut up), and says, "Yeah! On to chapter 7!!"  
  
The instructor picks up one of Sam's many pans, and hits him on the head with it.  
  
"Ow."  
  
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Crissy: There you go. Another one. Like I said, sorry about Sam. 


	7. Sam And The Garden

Crissy: I know it's taken ever so long to get this chapter up, but I never can get time to get Jay215 to write with me anymore, so this is mainly my chapter.  
  
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*Chapter 7: Sam and The Garden*  
"Wow!" exclaims Sam as his instructor takes him into the Botanical Gardens.  
  
He drops all his pots and pans with a thump, and runs down the paths joyfully.  
  
Sam is in Heaven as he jumps into the clusters of poppies, marigolds, and geraniums. He happily sticks out his tongue like an idiot and tries to drink the honeysuckles.  
  
Then he sits down and makes crowns and bracelets out of daisies and lilies.  
  
As Sam is picking herbs and vegetables. (I know there are no gardens in the real gardens), a bee stings him.  
  
"Ow." Says Sam dully, then he starts running around again.  
  
Giggling, he grabs the instructor, and plays ring-around-the-roses with him.  
  
The instructor untangles his arms from Sam's, and tackles and pins Sam to the ground.  
  
"There was a reason I brought you here you know." He says.  
  
"Why?" asks Sam.  
  
"Ummm," thinks the instructor, "I forgot."  
  
The two abandon all signs of maturity, and play jump rope with a vine of ivy.  
  
The instructor puts on an apron and gathers oranges while Sam climbs a tree and throws down apples from it's full branches.  
  
When Sam climbs down, the instructor exclaims, "I remember now!"  
  
"What?" asks Sam.  
  
"I remember why I brought you here. I wasn't supposed to bring you here. He boss said anywhere but here."  
  
"Oh."  
  
"Let's go."  
  
As a parting action, Sam picks a couple bunches of Roses for his wife Rosie.  
  
When the two reached the exit gate, they turned to say farewell to the gardens. To their surprise, the garden was flat and trampled.  
  
The instructor and Sam look at each other, shrug, and walk off.  
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Crissy: Yippee! I like this one. Do you? Review and tell me. K? 


	8. Merry and the Television

Crissy: You want to feel the true feeling of love? Write a story.  
  
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*Chapter 8: Merry and the Television*  
The instructor takes the overexcited Merry to his apartment and sits him on his couch in front of the television.  
  
"Wha's this?" asks Merry.  
  
"A television." Says the instructor, "Also known as a TV."  
  
Merry stares at him blankly.  
  
"Look." says the instructor, "You push this button," he pushes the power button on the TV, "and a moving picture comes up on the screen."  
  
He shows Merry the buttons on the remote that work on the TV, Merry exclaiming all the while.  
  
"Wot's these buttons do?" asks Merry, pushing the channel changing buttons.  
  
"Those change the moving picture called a channel." Explains the instructor.  
  
Merry pushes one of the channel-changing buttons so the screen is flashing through many different stations, when he sees a Barney show.  
  
"Look instructor," says Merry, "it's a purple dinosaur with green spots!"  
  
The instructor, Barney being his favorite show, sits down next to Merry and grabs the remote so he wouldn't change it.  
  
They are both watching intently and singing along to the songs, when Barney introduces a new guy who is rather tall, and has long blonde hair.  
  
"Hey!" exclaims Merry, "That guy looks like Legolas!"  
  
The instructor thinks for a moment.  
  
"It could be him. I remember a while ago in chapter 2 Barney gave him his card. But the old instructor took it away from his so how could he know what it said? Oh yes! When that instructor met his end Legolas must have gotten the card back from the instructor's pocket."  
  
His mind returns back to the television set.  
  
".Our new friend's name is Legolas." says Barney, affirming the instructor and Merry's suspicions that it is indeed Legolas.  
  
The show ended, and the instructor gave the remote back to Merry.  
  
"Watch whatever you want. I'm going to bed."  
  
The instructor goes upstairs and Merry stays on the couch flipping through the channels.  
  
Late into the night, people who pass by the window can see Merry hunched over with eyes glued to the TV.  
  
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Crissy: Happy now Wolfe? A little more Legolas for you. Gosh I love finishing a chapter. It makes me feel so good and complete. Anyway, chow! 


	9. Frodo and the Wedding

Disclaimer: We own nothing, so do nothing to us except give us encouragement.  
  
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*Chapter 9: Frodo and the Wedding*  
Frodo has finally met the girl of his dreams, and is going to get married. The instructor takes him around town to get all his wedding stuff.  
First, the instructor takes Frodo to a ring shop.  
  
"First of all," says the instructor, "you need to buy a ring to declare your love for your fiancé."  
  
"NO!!!!" shouts Frodo. He has had a very bad experience with a ring, and does not wish for his to-be-wife to go through the same torture.  
  
"Not a ring of power." Says the instructor, "A wedding ring."  
  
"Well, okay." Relents Frodo.  
  
They go into the shop and look at rings.  
  
"A gold ring is traditional for a wedding." Instructs the instructor.  
  
Frodo looks as if he has been very insulted.  
  
"How dare you say such a thing. Everybody knows that the only thing valuable on this Earth is Mithrel."  
  
"Fine!" relents the instructor, "Get her a Mithrel ring. What do I know I'm only an INSTRUCTOR."  
  
They look around the shop, but there is no Mithrel ring, so Frodo ends up getting a gold ring.  
Next, the instructor takes Frodo to a tuxedo shop to get his tux. They have a hard time finding one to fit him, so they ask the manager. The manager finally finds Frodo a tux that would fit a small fat kid. Evidently, it fit the hobbit just right.  
The instructor then takes Frodo to a bakery to order the wedding cake.  
  
As Frodo enters the shop, his eyes open wide. Cakes, bagels, doughnuts, cookies, and much more were everywhere. Frodo turns slowly to the instructor.  
  
"This isn't all for us is it?"  
  
"Of course not!" explains the instructor, "You need to find one cake design that you like, and they will make it for your wedding."  
  
Frodo nods, and the instructor leads him to a large book that has pictures of wedding cakes. Frodo picks one, and they leave the shop. (Much to Frodo's dismay.)  
*A few days later*  
  
The wedding, lets just say, is not going well.  
  
Frodo doesn't like the decorations that his fiancé picked out; his bride doesn't like the cake, and everything in-between.  
  
When the bride gets to the alter, she and Frodo look into each other's eyes, and do not see that special something that is said to be there.  
  
So when the priest gets to ". Do you Frodo Baggins take." Frodo just says, "No."  
  
The crowd gasps.  
  
"Sorry, but I just don't."  
  
"Wow." Says the bride, "Me neither."  
  
And so, Frodo and the girl live happily ever after. Just in their own separate lives.  
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Crissy: Ally, should I voice my opinion about this chapter?  
  
Ally: Probably not, but go ahead.  
  
Crissy: I didn't like it. I think it's probably one of the worst chapters.  
  
Ally; Well that's real encouraging Crissy.  
  
Crissy: Sorry, but that's what I think.  
  
Ally: Oh well. Review ok? 


	10. Gimli and the Car

Crissy: It's been a while hasn't it?  
  
Ally: Yea. For this story at least.  
  
Crissy: Anyway, we haven't had that much time writing. Testing is coming up.  
  
Ally: On with the fic!  
  
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Chapter 10  
  
*Gimli and the Car*  
  
"So this is a car?" asks Gimli.  
  
"Yes. You have seen them along the road. People drive them." Explains the instructor.  
  
"Dwarves too?" asks Gimli.  
  
"Dwarves too."  
  
After teaching Gimli the fundamentals of driving the car, Gimli takes a go.  
  
After backing up the car, Gimli takes the car out on the freeway and speeds.  
  
"I can't see!" exclaims Gimli. His head only reaches the top of the dashboard.  
  
The instructor dives in the back and finds a seat cushion, and puts it under the dwarf.  
  
"Ahhh." Relaxes Gimli.  
  
He is puttering along the highway, when someone cuts in front of him.  
  
Gimli gets mad.  
  
"Nobody cuts in front of a dwarf!" and he speeds in front of the person who cut.  
  
After a while, Gimli looks in his rear view mirror, and sees Galadriel in the car behind him, so he sticks his head out the window and yells back to the elf, "Cut me!"  
  
The instructor chuckles to himself quietly.  
  
Galadriel zooms recklessly ahead of Gimli, leaving his car in the dust.  
  
Gimli sighs.  
  
"That is what I call a woman."  
  
The instructor corrects the dwarf.  
  
"The lady Galadriel is an elf Gimli."  
  
"How dare you insinuate that I know not about my lady!"  
  
"Whatever.  
  
Gimli's eyes open in realization of what he just missed. He zooms his car up along side of Galadriel's car.  
  
"Oh lady, you have forgotten to give me some of your hair!"  
  
Gimli gets the instructor to drive while he climbs out the window and into Galadriel's car.  
  
"What are you doing noble dwarf?" asks the overly blonde elf.  
  
"Hair." Says the transfixed dwarf.  
  
He grabs a handful of Galadriel's hair and yanks.  
  
"What are you doing to my beautiful hair?" asks Galadriel.  
  
"Hair."  
  
A few strands of hair come out, and Gimli climbs back into his car.  
  
By this time, both the cars are going over the point of speeding, so a police car is coming after them.  
  
"They'll never take me alive!" exclaims Gimli as he steps on the gas.  
  
The instructor grabs the wheel, and parks the car.  
  
The cop gets out of his car, and comes over.  
  
"Do you have any idea of how fast you were going?" he asks.  
  
Gimli shoves the instructor out of the car and takes off.  
  
"I sure do!"  
  
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J215: Well that was fun.  
  
Crissy: Oh but wasn't it?  
  
Ally: RREEEVVVVVVVIIIIIIEEEEEEEWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!!  
  
Queen Maria: The instructors are just instructors.  
  
Huinesoron: Is that an insult?  
  
Jacinta Kenobi: Thanks! I'm trying to write, but my brain is getting a little burned out.  
  
anmie princess: I took your idea. I must admit, it was a good one.  
  
Aya: Thanks.  
  
Wolfie: I'll just call you wolfie okay? It's much shorter than your whole name. Anyway, I know what you mean, but keep reading.  
  
E.K.Kropp: Update your stories girl! Thanks for the review.  
  
Thairi02HorseLuva: Long name. Thanks for your reviews! They are so welcome.  
  
Elf Ears: Thanks! The thing about RB though is that I don't know how to put it up there. I had someone else do it for me last time. 


	11. Gollum and the Motorboat

Crissy: Hello everyone! I just wanted to point out that Ally is now working on these little fic things with me. Actually, she has for a few chapters if you haven't noticed. Jay215 never has the time to write anymore. *Pouts*  
  
Ally: Well lucky you people! You get me! Anyway, on with the fic thingy!  
  
Crissy & Ally: We just want to point out beforehand that we love all of the characters in LOTR, (except Gandalf), and we are sorry for being mean and killing them all off, but you just have to do stuff like that when you're trying to make a funny fic. Gollum is both of our favorite person there, but, well. you'll see. SORRY beforehand!!  
  
Disclaimer: We own nothing, you own nothing.  
  
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Chapter 11  
  
*Gollum and the Motorboat*  
"Boat." Hisses Gollum as he suspiciously crawls over to a rather big motorboat that is tied to the edge of a rather large lake.  
  
"It's just a boat." Says the instructor, "Go ahead and get in."  
  
Gollum gets in, and the instructor comes in behind him.  
  
After making sure that Gollum is sitting down, the instructor unties the boat from the doc and pulls the motor cord.  
  
Gollum jumps in surprise as the boat revs up and takes off.  
  
As the boat goes faster, the instructor lets out a yell of excitement.  
  
Gollum gets the hint and hisses loudly. (It's his way of yelling).  
  
Gollum stands up at the bow of the boat and says to the instructor, "I feel like I could fly instructor! I feel like I could fly!"  
  
"Well why don't you try then." Says the instructor.  
  
Gollum looks back to see what the instructor means, but not in time to see the instructor come up behind him and push him off the boat.  
  
The instructor speeds off.  
  
Gollum, being in the middle of a big lake, and not having anything to hold on to, drowns. (Poor Sméagol!)  
  
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Ally: Well, like we said, we are sincerely sorry about all the meanness. That one wasn't that funny was it? I don't really think so.  
  
Crissy: Well anyway, what did you think? We are kind of going downhill on these stories aren't we? Yea, I know you are all going to say that these chapters are too short, but we have limited imaginations being that we are both blondes.  
  
Crissy & Ally: REVIEW PLEASE!!! 


	12. Merry and the CAT6 Testing

Ally: Hey. In response to a couple reviews we got about the last chapter, yes, we know Gollum can swim, but let's just say it was a really really big lake. ;)  
  
Crissy: Hope you all like this one better.  
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*Chapter 12*  
  
Merry and the CAT6 Testing  
(In case you people don't know, CAT6 testing is a big test Californian students have to take at the end of the school year.)  
The instructor leads Merry into a classroom of 8th graders.  
  
"You will be testing with these students. Do what the teacher tells you."  
  
Merry aqwardly stands in the doorway for a second, but then one girl stands up and points at Merry.  
  
"OH MY GOD!!!!" she yells, "It's Merry Brandybuck!!!!!"  
  
The girl and a few other kids run over to the hobbit trying to get a good look and touch him, while some students stupidly stay in their seats and wonder who the short kid is.  
  
"You can sit by me." Says the girl who first recognized the hobbit.  
  
As Merry sits down, he looks back at the instructor who leaves.  
  
"My name's Tina by the way." Says the girl.  
  
"So what do we do here Tina?" asks Merry.  
  
"Shhh." Says Tina, "It's a test we have to take. The teacher will tell you the rest."  
  
A teacher passes out the booklets while another teacher hangs out in the background waiting for someone who needs help.  
  
"My name is Christine." Says the teacher passing out the booklets, "And this is Sue." She indicates to the other teacher.  
  
"First, make sure you write your name on your booklet, and look and see that your name is written on your answer sheet."  
  
Merry looks at his books as the teacher resumes talking.  
  
"If your answer doesn't have your name on it raise your hand."  
  
"Why do we have to raise our hands?" shouts Merry.  
  
The teacher gives him a stern look. "So you can talk."  
  
"I can already talk." Says Merry.  
  
Tina leans over.  
  
"Just don't say anything loud so anyone can hear unless Christine says so."  
  
"Oh." Whispers Merry, "I see."  
  
The teacher explains how you fill in the bubble of what answer you think is right, and they start the spelling section.  
  
First, they go over the sample question together.  
  
"Read the question silently to yourself as I read it aloud." Says Christine. "Choose the correct spelling of the word below.  
  
A: Comfert  
  
B: Comfort  
  
C: Commfort  
  
D: Comfirt  
  
Choose your answer."  
  
"I know this one!" shouts out Merry, "It's B!"  
  
"Please wait for the rest of the class next time Mr. Brandybuck." Reproves Christine.  
  
"Well I got it right didn't I?" asks Merry.  
  
"Yes, you were correct. Does anyone have any questions?"  
  
Merry raises his hand.  
  
"Yes Merry?"  
  
"Do I have to do this?"  
  
"Yes." Replies Christine. "You may all begin the test." She looks over at Merry. "And please be silent. You have 20 minutes."  
  
Merry rushes through the questions in 5 minutes, getting most of them right.  
  
"I'm finished!" he exclaims.  
  
Christine comes over.  
  
"Don't do that. When you are done with a test you need to just close your book, and do something quiet." She goes back to her table.  
  
"How old do they think I am?" Merry thinks to him self; "I just came of age last year. That's 30 years. Most of the people here haven't seen more than 14 winters."  
  
Tina finishes her test in another few minutes. She gets a piece of paper and writes something on it and passes it to Merry.  
  
He reads it.  
  
"How does it feel to relax and not have to walk so much after that whole ring ordeal?" says the note.  
  
Merry leans over to answer, but Tina shakes her head.  
  
"Write it down." She mouths.  
  
Merry writes, "It's okay. I am still a warrior for the king of Rohan you know. I take a lot of vacations though."  
  
"I see."  
  
"Time is up." Says Christine, "we will now start on the history section. Please turn to page 57 in your booklet and turn to history/social science in your answer sheet."  
  
Everyone does.  
  
"We will do the sample together. Read the question to yourself as I read it aloud.  
  
Who was the most important person in the Underground Railroad?  
  
A: Albert Einstein  
  
B: George Washington  
  
C: Harriet Tubman  
  
D: Bridget Candice  
  
Select your answer. So which one is it?"  
  
"C." echoes the whole class excluding Merry.  
  
"How would I know?" Merry sarcastically asked Tina.  
  
"Go ahead and start the test." Said Christine, "You have about 90 minutes."  
  
Merry looks down at the first question.  
  
It says: "How did the world begin?"  
  
Something there triggers Merry's memory.  
  
The instructor bursts in.  
  
"Don't let Merry take the."  
  
The memory Merry gets transfers him out of the class, and back into his own time.  
  
". History test." Finishes the instructor.  
  
Christine comes over to the distraught instructor.  
  
"How dare you interrupt the class like that!"  
  
She leads the instructor to and sits him down in Merry's old spot.  
  
"The test is there, and somebody needs to do it, and I guess you just volunteered. You have another 80 minutes to finish just this part of the test. Begin."  
  
Christine goes back to her desk.  
  
Tina looks up from her test and looks at the instructor.  
  
"What's up?"  
  
***************************************************  
  
Crissy: Hope you all liked. I did.  
  
Ally: Yea. I think this was a good chapter too. But what do YOU think? Say in your review that I just know you are going to put in our little review box.  
  
Crissy & Ally: CHOW!!! 


	13. Aragorn and the Hair Stylist

Crissy: I finally finished this chapter. It's been almost done for about a month now, but I just haven't gotten around to finishing it and stuff. I guess I was bored of the whole story plot. But anyway, I think I got over the boredom for now, so now I give you this chapter. Ally will not be working on this story thingy anymore, because school is out and I won't see her as much. And when we do see each other, we'll be writing "Another Lily and James Story". So yea. Thank you to all the people who reviewed!! I love you all!!!  
  
Disclaimer: I do not own any of the characters that you recognize. They belong to the wonderful but deceased J.R.R. Tolkien. I do own the instructor, and all the non-important characters in this story that you don't recognize.  
  
Enough of that, here's the story:  
  
****************************************************  
  
*Chapter 13*  
  
Aragorn and the Hair Stylist  
  
The instructor takes Aragorn to a hair salon.  
  
After paying the person, he sits Aragorn down in a chair.  
  
"Now do whatever she tells you to, and I'll be back in a while. Be good."  
  
The instructor leaves the shop, Aragorn looking after him wistfully, wanting to be anywhere but where he is.  
  
"So what style do you want it?" asks the hair stylist.  
  
"Style?" says Aragorn stupidly. "The instructor told me to do what you tell me."  
  
The hair stylist looks skeptically at Aragorn.  
  
"Well I think it would look best a little shorter." se mumbles to herself for a second trying to mentally picture how his hair would look when she was done with it. "Let's start shall we?"  
  
The hair stylist moves Aragorn to a different chair, and tips his head back into a sink. She then turns the water on, and tries to wash out his hair.  
  
As soon as she touches his hair, the hair stylist jumps back in disgust.  
  
"Grotesque!" she exclaims, "Dude, your hair is, like, totally greasy! How long has it been since you've washed it?!  
  
Aragorn thinks for a second then says, "I think it was about 6 months ago that Arwen last made me wash it. I think."  
  
The hair stylist shutters, and dumps loads of shampoo into his hair.  
  
While she is washing his hair, Aragorn rambles on about nothing in general.  
  
"I do not see why one needs to wash one's hair. It is all the same to me. But Arwen says, "No, you must at least wash your hair twice a year."."  
  
The hair stylist cringes just thinking about what he is saying. Who would only wash their hair only once a year?  
  
".It is strange how her name is Arwen and my name is Aragorn is it not? Arwen and Aragorn. We are as one. It is good we do not think like most people, because Elrond is my adopted father, so Arwen would sort of be my adopted sister, and if we thought like most people that would be most disturbing. But we do not think like most people, and that is what counts."  
  
After about 45 minutes of washing and conditioning, the hair stylist puts Aragorn's head back up and gets out the scissors.  
  
"Woaoh! What do you think you are doing with those things?" asks Aragorn.  
  
"Cut you're hair. What does it look like?" replies the hair stylist.  
  
Aragorn jumps up.  
  
"Whoa! The instructor said nothing to me about cutting my beautiful hair!"  
  
"Just sit down." Says the hair stylist; "I'll make it look better."  
  
Aragorn screams and starts running around the shop with the hair stylist in close pursuit.  
  
Finally, after a while, the instructor walks in.  
  
"Sit down Aragorn."  
  
Aragorn quickly sits down in the chair he was in before.  
  
"What are you doing?" asks the instructor.  
  
A very disheveled hair stylist comes over.  
  
"She was going to cut my hair." Whines Aragorn.  
  
"What did I say when I left?" says the instructor, "I said for you to be perfect and to do what the lady tells you to."  
  
"Actually," corrects Aragorn, "You did not tell me to be perfect, you told me to be good."  
  
"Whatever! Just stay seated and let her cut your hair!"  
  
Aragorn stands up.  
  
"I don't have to take this! I'm a king!"  
  
The instructor raises an eyebrow.  
  
"Fine. Do what you want, but. I have sources." He coughed "Arwen."  
  
Aragorn takes the hint and meekly sits down.  
  
The instructor smiles at the hair stylist and nods for her to proceed.  
  
The hair stylist cautiously approaches with the scissors, and starts timidly sniping Aragorn's hair. After making sure that Aragorn is not going to jump up and hurt her, the hair stylist goes into speed mode, and is soon done.  
  
She hands Aragorn a mirror, and Aragorn gets absorbed in his own reflection.  
  
"I look good." He says.  
  
His brown hair is now about an inch long and spiked.  
  
The instructor gets up.  
  
"I knew you would like it. Now let's go."  
  
Aragorn stands up still staring at his reflection in the mirror.  
  
The instructor takes the mirror away and hands it to the hair stylist.  
  
"Thank you for putting up with him." He gives her a generous tip and leaves, pushing a dazed Aragorn out of the shop.  
  
Later:  
  
"Wow!" exclaims Arwen, "I love the look hon.  
  
"I know." Agrees Aragorn, "Me too."  
  
*********************************************  
  
There you go, I really hope you like it. It's hard to type in present tense all the time. I keep going into past tense, which is what most stories are written in. Well. review. 


	14. Merry and Pippin and the Brain Switch Ma...

Crissy: We did it!  
  
Ally: We updated this friggn story!  
  
Crissy: Hope you like.  
  
********************  
  
*Chapter 14*  
  
Merry, Pippin and the Brain Switch Machine  
  
"Merry!" Pippin exclaims, "Look at this! It's a weird type of machine thingy."  
  
"Don't touch that." The Instructor says, "Let's go somewhere else."  
  
"I have to see what it does!" Pippin exclaims. He stands under one of the brass plates of the machine, and Merry is ironically standing under the other one. Pippin sees a lever on the side of the machine and pulls it saying, "I wonder what this does?"  
  
The Instructor puts his head in his hands and wonders why he got into this job, while the machine obviously turns on and emits bright green light and Merry and Pippin jump. Pippin runs over and turns off the machine.  
  
"Well that was cool." Says Merry. "Wait a minute, this isn't my voice."  
  
Pippin stares at Merry, his eyes bugging out.  
  
"You're me! But you don't sound like me."  
  
"Well you don't sound like me!" retorts Merry. (Pippin).  
  
The Instructor now gets up and explains to the two hobbits that your voice isn't what it sounds like in your head.  
  
"I don't get any of that." Says Merry, (Pippin), "But who cares right? So I'm in Merry's body and he's in mine. That's a cool machine."  
  
"What are you saying?" asks Pippin, (Merry). "I happen to like my own body, and I would like to be back in it!"  
  
Merry, (Pippin), walks over to Pippin, (Merry), and sees that he is about an inch taller. "But I like being taller than you Pippin, I mean Merry." Says Merry, (Pippin).  
  
The Instructor, seeing a fight coming on, figures that he should end it before it even begins, so he tells the two to get back under the brain switch machine, (for that is what it is), and pulls the switch.  
  
Nothing happens.  
  
"What happened?" asks Pippin, (Merry).  
  
"Nothing, obviously." Says the Instructor, running out of patience. "Anyway, my shift is up, so you just go do whatever."  
  
"You're just going to leave us here?" asks Pippin, (Merry), in disbelief.  
  
"Oh no." says the instructor, "God knows what damage you two would do by yourself here in this day and age. I'll send you two to go and see Gandalf."  
  
Merry, (Pippin), throws himself down on the ground in stubbornness.  
  
"You can't make me!"  
  
The instructor picks Merry, (Pippin), up and carries him to the nearby small jail, with Pippin, (Merry), following behind.  
  
"If I am right," says the Instructor, "and I always am, Gandalf is in here somewhere. Now I leave you."  
  
True to his word, the Instructor set down Merry, (Pippin), and walks off.  
  
Merry and Pippin walk down the first isle, and see Gandalf sitting in a cell playing a finger game with himself.  
  
Then, Pippin, (Merry), sees the prison guard asleep, and goes over and takes his set of keys and unlocks Gandalf's cell. They both lead Gandalf out of the prison, and when they get outside, Gandalf regains his sanity and yells, "Fool of a took!" at Pippin, (Merry), "They put me in there for a reason you know!"  
  
Pippin, (Merry), looks at Gandalf with a confused/scared face and says, "I'm Merry actually."  
  
"Oh." Says Gandalf, "You're okay then. But why are you Merry?"  
  
Pippin, (Merry), then explains the entire situation to Gandalf. When the tale is over, Gandalf yells, "FOOL OF A TOOK!" at Merry, (Pippin). "You just had to look."  
  
"You ALWAYS have to look!" says Pippin, (Merry).  
  
"Well anyways," says Gandalf, "I can't do anything about it, and you say that the machine thing won't work anymore, so you might as well just get just to the body you're in, because you might be in them for a very long while."  
  
"Yea! I get to be taller!" exclaims Merry, (Pippin), while Pippin, (Merry) mutters, "At least I have the cute face."  
  
******************  
  
Ally: The precious has now been written!  
  
Crissy: So tell us, did you like it? Did you notice? It was much longer than usual.  
  
Ally: Was it crunchable? Was it tasty?  
  
Crissy: Do you have any ideas for us? If you do, give them to us and we'll try to maybe get it up! We wrote this when we were on vacation, so we had time. I don't know if we'll have time to do many more, but we'll see.  
  
Ally: Yes, yes, we shall see. We shall.  
  
Crissy: Review please!  
  
Ally: So bright, so beautiful, those reviews. We wants them! 


	15. Legolas and the Substitute Instructor

Ally: I know, I know, your thinking, "Wow! Another chapter so soon!" But this doesn't mean that we will always be updating fast like this. Okay, just confirming that. On with the fic!!!  
  
**************  
  
*Chapter 15*  
  
Legolas and the Substitute Instructor  
  
Legolas and the Instructor are chillin' in the Instructor's apartment.  
  
The Instructor says, "I'm tired, so I'm going to go take a nap. Don't wake me for a few hours. My substitute instructor for today will take over." He leaves, and in rushes a rabid fangirl. She does a funky cheerleading pose and chants, "My name is R.A.C.H.E.L. RACHEL!!! And you're Legolas!"  
  
She tries to jump into Legolas' arms, but he moves so she slaps onto the floor. Up she bounces and cheerfully says, "Okay! Let's get going!"  
  
Rachel grabs Legolas by his hand and pulls him to her room, which is just down the hall. Looking around, Legolas ignorantly says, "Nice place." (The room is covered in pictures of Legolas). Behind him, Rachel knocks him over the head with her shoe, making him black out.  
  
When Legolas comes to, he finds himself bound by ropes and surrounded by rabid fangirls. He asks where Rachel is, and she appears in the center of the crowd.  
  
"What's going on?" he asks, "I have a signed legal document thingy saying that no rabid fangirl can come within 50 feet of me!"  
  
"You mean this piece of paper?" asks a random fangirl, holding up a grease stained, soda soggy, no longer official looking paper. "I thought it was a napkin."  
  
"Ahhhhhh!!!!!!!!" Legolas screams. "Rachel! Heeelp!"  
  
"Me?" asks Rachel innocently, "But I organized this whole operation. Do you like it? I call it my: Capture My Love Even Though He Might Resist, plan."  
  
"What?!?" exclaims Legolas.  
  
"Yep. I posed as the sub instructor to lure to into my apartment." She says.  
  
"Where's the real sub then?" asks Legolas, frightened.  
  
*Scene showing substitute instructor bound and gagged in a closet somewhere. "MMPHHH!"*  
  
"She's taken care of." Says Rachel.  
  
"Oh no." says Legolas in a small voice.  
  
Chapter ends with a tattered and still tied up Legolas jumping out of apartment window trying to escape the rabid fangirls. Several girls follow him and jump off as well.  
  
(For all you rabid fangirls out there that would attack us for writing this, we would have you know that there was a trampoline on the sidewalk under the window, and that the real Legolas was not actually hurt. And even if he was. it's your own fault for liking him so much.)  
  
**************  
  
Ally: All done! Hey Rachel! Well, we made you a fangirl. Sorry if you didn't like yourself, but. we did use you didn't we?  
  
REVIEWS WOULD BE NICE!!! 


	16. The Fellowship and the Cell Phones

Ally: Wow, it's been forever since I put a chapter to this story, but finally, I have thought up a good subject for a chapter! Yay!

Chapter 16

The Fellowship and the Cell Phones 

The Instructor gives each member of the fellowship a cell phone and shows them how to use it, and then sends them back to their time. None of the fellowship know, however, that the Instructor has wired the phones and is listening in to all of their conversations.

Phone rings

"Hey Aragorn, this is Pippin."

"Why, greetings to you friend Pippin."

"I have always said that I wish we all had something we could look into and talk to each other, and now we can!"

"Is that all you called me for?"

"Umm… I don't know. I just wanted to use it."

"Hey Pippin, I have a call on the other line, I'll talk to you later okay?"

"Sure. Bye."

"Goodbye."

Both hang up

"Finally." Says Aragorn, "And I thought now that the whole ring ordeal was done, that I wouldn't have to put up with that halfling anymore."

Phone rings

"Hello?"

"Hello."

"Ummm… so, who is this?"

"Come on Gimli, how can you not recognize my voice?!?"

"Is this Legolas?"

"No duh. Oh no!"

"What?"

"I think working for that barney show has given me an attitude!"

"You can't just say 'an attitude'. I mean really, you have to say what _kind_ of attitude."

"Fine. A modern day attitude. Well, modern day where we visited."

"I'm confused."

"Welcome to my life, friend.

Someone joins the conversation

"Ah, friends, I did so want to get a hold of you."

"Umm…"

"Umm…"

"I wanted to tell you that I was thinking of putting together a little tournament. Just a little friendly competition."

"Ah! I never turn down a challenge!"

"I just want to know who you are."

"Don't tell me you don't know."

"I don't know."

"It's Boromir!"

"You're alive!"

"Of course I'm alive."

"But… we saw you dead."

"It was a story! Every time someone tells it I have to be alive at first, you should know that. I guess right now, the person reading it at this second hasn't gotten to the part of me dying yet."

"Yay! Boomer's back!"

"Just phone the old fellowship and tell them that I'm having a competition in the reader's 'modern day'. It's called… paintball. Tell everyone to meet me at the paintball court at 3:00 on Friday."

Click

"Well, that was interesting."

"You heard the man, spread the news!"

"Yes elf friend. See you at the match!"

Both hang up

Frodo is having his quiet dinner, when his cell phone rings.

"Hello, this is Frodo speaking."

"No duh."

"Legolas?"

"No duh."

"I think I'll hang up now if that's all your going to say."

"Nah, don't do that Fro man!"

"Well?"

"Well what?"

"Why did you call?"

"Can't I have called to just hear your voice?"

"Well that's not very practical."

"True. I just wanted to call because Boromir called and"

"BOROMIR???"

"Umm… ya."

"He's dead."

"Well he could be, but that wouldn't explain how he called me."

"Alright, while I wonder if he's really back or not, tell me why he wanted you to call me."

"So Boomer man called me and says that we're going to have a competition called paintball in the reader's modern day."

"Got it."

Someone joins the conversation

"HI!"

"Well someone's cheerful."

"Oh, I'm sorry Mr. Frodo, I didn't know you had company… on the phone."

"Ah, it's alright Sam. What was it you wanted?"

"I was just wondering if Rosie was up from her nap yet. I've been out here gardening for a while, and with her being pregnant and all I feel the need for someone to check on her often."

"The first one of us to get hitched, huh Sammy boy?"

"Okay, I'm guessing this is Legolas."

"In any case Legolas, Aragorn was married first."

"Darn."

"I have to say that that whole you being on TV thing, didn't give you a very good attitude."

"Nope!"

"Anyway Sam, I guess Boromir is alive, and we're going back to the reader's modern day."

"That place is scary but has really cool gardens."

"I'd have to say that they throw the best parties."

"Ya, we have to go now, but when is it?"

"Friday 3:00. See you there little man!"

Click

"Wow."

"That was incredibly annoying."

"Tell me about it."

"Anyway, no, she isn't awake yet."

"Okay. Thanks."

Both hang up

"A-8"

"Miss."

"Darn it!"

"G-2"

"Hit."

"HA, take that Pip!"

"Oh, rub it in won't you Merry."

"I already did! Oh boy I love this game."

"I hate Battleship…"

Someone joins the conversation

"Hey boys, this is Gimli, I don't have much time, but I just wanted to say that Boromir is alive and we're having a competition of some sort in the reader's modern day on Friday at 3:00. Later."

Click

"That was random."

"Hey! Boromir's alive!"

"That's cool."

"No, don't you see, he's ALIVE! I went into that thug Denethor's service for nothing!"

"That sucks… F-5."

"The secret to ruling your own country is to have people behind the scenes."

"Yes, what else?"

Someone joins the conversation

"HI!"

Someone joins the conversation

"Hello?"

"Oh, well fancy that we both call the same people at the same time Gimli bud!"

"Ah, so instead of telling Gandalf and me your names, you tell each other?"

"Gimli, Legolas, do you feel sad? Depressed? You might need an advisor in life, I could help you straighten out your problems, I can see into the future a bit, I'm sure you could use some of my services."

"Huh?"

"Fine, you caught me. I, the great Gandalf, am kind of low on cash at the moment."

"Hey, maybe the competition will have money involved!"

"What competition?"

"Boomer pal called Gimli and me and he said that that dude's gonna have some kind of killer compo, if you know what I mean."

"Well, not really."

"Nope."

"Goodness, he's getting worse every minute!"

"Would someone tell me what's going on here?"

"Chill out Aragorn, and think about what I already told you, so I don't have to say it again."

"Gimli? Would you care to translate?"

"Alright. Boromir called us and said that we're having some kind of a contest at 3:00 on Friday."

"Ah. At least we're going somewhere.

"Wait, Boromir's dead."

"Was dead."

"Gandalf? Do you have anything on this?"

"Of course. He's been alive for quite some time now. The person reading the Fellowship of the Rings at the moment is not a very fast reader."

"Umm… alright."

"See you Friday dudes!"

Ally: Well, that was the longest 'chapter' of this fic. Paintball chapter comes next!


End file.
